Tips For Perfect Vacationing

*When picking a perfect place to vacation -- even if for only two days -- remember that you can gather all the recommendations and referrals you want, but it all comes down to your gut instincts. Does this look like a place you could really enjoy and make the most of?

*When your gut says, "Hell Yes," then without any inhibitions make sure you experience everything you want at this place. Do stuff you would never do. Like, sit on the balcony pictured to the left, naked. (One of the things I learned this weekend: Nature is awesome.)







Hey Gut, Isn't this place rad?
(This is actually overlooking the ocean, but the marine layer settled a couple hundred feet below us. It looked like we were dining on clouds; like when you look outside an airplane.)



*When you pay an obscene amount of money for the room rate, don't tell anyone, even when they insist you tell them. I find it highly embarrassing justifying it to others when I really have no business paying that much for a vacation. When you tell, then the conversation is no longer about how rad the spot is, but about "Damn! You just blew a month's rent." And, "Je-sus." And "All that for two days?" Three days really, and yes, two nights -- in paradise. I'd do it again. Because today I feel like a million bucks. Completely relaxed and fine tuned. Did I mention nature is awesome?

*Even after you sit naked on your woodsy balcony, keep doing things you wouldn't have done before like take a four-person yoga class in a yurt near a field with a husband that you'd never thought would take yoga let alone in a yurt.




This is a yurt.




*At the five-star restaurant at your five-star resort, tell the chef that you are a vegan and tell him to GO FOR IT - do whatever he wants. Who doesn't love a creative license and a green light? I got the best meals EVER this weekend: Grilled polenta piled with crisp roasted corn kernels and baby tomatoes. Cheeseless mini "pizzettes" with walnut pesto and portabella mushrooms. Sliced green tomatoes with basil champagne vinaigrette and pine nuts. It was no less than goddamn divine.

*There was no TV in the room and after the panic of having no mental pacifier to lull us nor ease our busied minds, we then paid attention to details in the room that we may not have before. Such as the brilliant architecture that bore perfect angles with which to see the woods without sacrificing privacy. (That's me taking full advantage of the robe and the stunning bay window.) The first night as I lay in my bed about to fall asleep, I realized the triangular skylight angled above our bed was a perfectly-positioned window to the sky. I watched the heavy dose of stars for 20 minutes this way (not sitting up, just comfortably with my head on the pillow). I witnessed no less than three shooting stars dart across the triangle window.

*Push the limits of how much stuff your spouse will do with you. I dragged mine on an hour-long walk around the 98 acres of the resort. Though we were kinda-sorta "hiking" through the woods, the path was kept immaculate, raked and safe. I'm sure the local snakes and other intimidating wildlife were either bribed or warned severely about scaring the guests. Every mile there was a bucket of chilled bottled water - I'm not joking. It was like when Jim Carrey's character in The Truman Show starts to realize that his life is being staged. I swear I might've seen staff poignantly plant a hawk feather on the path or spray a spectacular spider web with just a little more dew . . . We did encounter a flock of wild turkeys that hung out near the garden en route to the pool. We cut through the garden both days and each time, Husband and the head male turkey would have this unannounced race to the garden's gate. While we were in the middle of the garden, the Turkey Tom broke towards the gate in a hurried walk and Husband then sped up his pace too. I'd be the voices of the lady turkeys that didn't budge from under the garden's tree. "Where you going? Are you racing humans again? Oh, just leave us here when you sense trouble, jerk." FYI, Turkey 1, Husband 1.

*I also dragged Husband to the Star Gazing event on the restaurant balcony. I say "dragged" when he willingly went and enjoyed it all. Also, he was getting so much ass during our vacation, there was nothing he would've said no to. So, we looked at Jupiter through a telescope and checked out its three moons. Oh, and Cameron Diaz was out there too, star gazing with us. Yup. And then some guy asked the resident astronomer if Jupiter was larger than the sun . . . and I almost nudged Cameron Diaz and said, "My six year old knows the sun is bigger than Jupiter." I mean, if you are looking into the sky for the first time in your entire life, you'll probably figure out on your own that the sun is running the show. But god bless him for asking . . . P.S. everyone in Big Sur or at least at this resort is far too nice to have slapped this guy around. The astronomer simply answered without a shred of sarcasm that indeed the sun is larger. That would've been a little too much to ask of me.




This is what our waitress described as Second-Day Glow











Look, I glowed too







Thank you Post Ranch Inn for a great stay. However, paradise on earth means very little without your favorite person. Thanks to Husband for a dreamy time . . .