Thursday, June 16, 2005

Now What?

I completed the 10 days of my Turbo Test 2005! yesterday without much fanfare or exhilaration on my part. I amazingly got back on the horse like I said I would, and I dug it out. Man, I was good. And I had schemed grand rewards when I succeeded like massages and shopping sprees, and quite frankly I feel a little blah about it. But just a little because I do feel this weird sense of pride, like a steady stream instead of a raging roar of I DID IT. It's more like, oh, this is how it's done - though obviously not as extreme -- this is how I'm supposed to live the rest of my life. Whoopie.

I lost five pounds during Turbo Test which is great. I guess. I mean it's half of my Holiday Gorge weight which before, in the last 5 months, I had lost only 1.3lbs approximately. I feel achy and strong and way more fit than when I started, but I suppose 9 of 10 days working out hard and eating purely and smallishly will do that to you. Uh, no duh. "Eat Less, Exercise More," as the Cookie Monster would say; a concept that still feels a bit elusive though I just spent 10 days fucking proving.

So now what? I'm a little nervous not having a hardcore plan in place. Cheerleader On Crack is supposed to announce what the plan is for the remainder of this four-week deal, but not until Sunday. And I could probably do a lot of damage between now until then. I'm sure The Modified Plan will be to workout 4-5 days a week and add just a little more food, maybe a treat once or twice a week . . . Logically, I so understand it all, but goddamn if I just want someone telling me what to do; to do the things I already know. Just until I get my Less&More legs solidly under me.

Today and tomorrow I'm gonna rest my body because in last night's class I was like one of those marathoners that hit the wall. I was trying to kick left and jab straight, but my limbs were more like jerking in whatever direction they wanted. It was weird. I ate cinnamon sugar toast for breakfast this morning (made with flaxseed oil spread, xylitol and organic cinnamon - oh yum) thinking I was slick with my first treat (other than the chocolate almond incident) and I felt a little nauseous after eating it to be honest. It wasn't exciting to eat it and I didn't want five pieces more after it and then I thought, Wait a second, has COC's squashed my excitement for treats and food? Has she really, somehow, curbed my appetite? Man, fuck her. I know I said I didn't want to stuff my face anymore with bags of cookies and chips and shit, but god, I'm realizing how fun it was to eat all that crap. Fun . . .fit . . . fun . . . fit, hmm. Ok, I guess I'll just see where this "Fit" thing is heading; just for a bit more. See if being all strong and healthy and shit ends up being more fun.


Anonymous said...

where do you get flaxseed oil spread? Is it a commercial product or a home-made concotion? Very interested on this matter.

somebody in Australia.

madness rivera said...

Hello Somebody in Australia - It's a premade, margerine-type spread that you can get here in the states. Unfortunately I don't remember the brand and I haven't used in a while. I make my salad dressing from flax oil now and don't feel a need to buy the spread.