June

While working at the health food store, one of my favorite regulars was named June. She was 82 years old and came in every Wednesday always dolled up and looking smart in nice slacks and crocheted sweaters that usually bore a sparkly broach. She loved papayas and green juice, but mainly she always bought remedies and health solutions because she had this terrible skin condition, a severe eczema-like phenomena, and I found out that most of the employees were creeped out by it. Other than the skin thing, she was as spry and bright-eyed as any 60 year old. I'd hug her (other employees cringed) and she was always touching my arm-- honestly I didn't mind the skin thing and I wouldn't have really noticed if she didn't talked about it -- but that was A LOT. Everyone in the store knew June was trying to find natural relief for the itching and peeling and scabbing and flaking and discoloration and scaling and -- you get the idea. She bought probiotics and ointments and alkaline-only stuff and chinese herbs -- whatever was suggested, she would try. And I loved that about her. If she thought dog poo would clear her skin, as long as it was natural, she would've smeared it on herself.

The first time June told me about her Skin Issue, all the other employees scattered in all directions, but I listened intently as she described the scabs on her scalp which lay under her lovely ash-blonde pin-up hair do - no wash and set for June, oh no, and she was so sweet that I couldn't not hear her out. Then she said - after a few seconds of silence,

"It's when they can't tell you what's wrong with your vagina . . .that's the kicker."

I said, "I hear you."

She said, "It's the thing that gives me most discomfort. It's terrible."

“Sure,” I said.

She said, "I'm wearing an ice pack right now."

"Cool," I said.


I got a five page letter from June yesterday. It’s written in that grandma scrawl that seems so comforting and legible because she comes from an age when letter writing was king. The first paragraph describes how she’s studying to be a teacher in some ministry. I’m scared to read the rest (though I know I will) because I don’t want to be convinced into coming in for a baptizing. Not that I’m easily convinced of anything, I just have a soft spot for June. And though she’s kind and hugs me a lot, I think the thing I am really most impressed by June is that even at 82 years old she has not given up her quest for optimal health; in fact she is fantastically diligent about it. And other than the freaky flaking and itching and peeling and scabbing thing, it does really show.

Fun at Work

For a few months after The Holiday Gorge, I worked at a health food. I used to conduct my own experiments on the customers unbeknownst to them. I started out doing menial experiments, like, we sold these apples called Pink Ladies and many times when I placed the fruit on the scale they, especially men, liked to announce, "Pink Ladies." Then I started counting how many Pink Lady Buyers actually did this and it was a surprising amount. The second I told a coworker about this phenomena was the second people stopped announcing Pink Ladies! which disappointed me highly. Other experiments included guessing forms of payment before customers paid- like, was there a type of person that pays a certain way (there is, fyi). I tried to guess people's ages if they had to whip out their driver's license for check writing. It went on and on, in my mind.

My last experiment before I left the health food store seemed more meaningful. I tried to spy who looked the healthiest and then observed what they were buying. In this experiment, the first flaw was that there is a distinct difference, I noticed, between who looked healthiest and who looked hottest, as in a model-type or buff-dude look. The majority of very healthy types (as in those who buy the purest and most whole foods) were mainly, but not exclusively 1. Hippy Types (I smelled pacholi oil all day long which was surprising because I thought pacholi obsolete) and 2. Asians; from very little-english Asians to very americanized Asians. For the most part groups 1 & 2 have phenomenal skin and are much more ageless than anyone else who came in the store. But they were not necessarily "hot." For example, we had a famous nutritionist who had a radio show called The Truth About Nutrition who came in daily to get freshly juiced vegetables. He was gangly and pale; he had absolutely no style, but there was not a nicer guy you will ever meet. I thought, This is what a very healthy person looks like? Then I found out he was 51 years old. He literally, no bullshit, looked 10 years younger than that.

Now, the "hot" types bought the muscle-head crap, full of processed shit. If it was low carb, hi protein no matter how many chemicals it took to get it that way, they'd buy it. But their skin did not necessarily look that great. Their bodies were phenomenal, but hmm, I dunno, at what price? And I don't know how old these people are. They may actually look years older than they do. I wish in my experiment that I could've seen a read out of everyone's internal health. If they looked so good on the outside how do they really look on the inside? Would those that eat fresh, whole foods, be, unknowingly, more susceptible to disease and sickness if they did not? Will the Crap Eaters be eventually? I just wish I could see inside. That would've really helped my experiment.

I obviously feel one has less of a chance of disease and sickness with clean eating. I think the hotties are mainly hot because they concentrate a lot on exercise. Their bodies were scultped and lean, and that looks good to me. But they do not necessarily look clear and healthy; they lack the glow of a pure eater. There are obviously those that are hot that have pure diets, as far as I can tell. I had an Indian woman come through my line that was DROP DEAD gorgeous, 8 months pregnant though from the back she was simply a size 2 with no hints of pending child, and she was buying all vegan food. I asked. She said cheerfully that she was a vegan. I said, Your doctor doesn't push you to quit veganism while pregnant. Then, she said smiling, I'd get another doctor then.Which brings me to the major difference of pure eaters vs. meat-head product consumers: overall demeanor and personality. By far - very far - the pure eaters were much nicer, more relaxed, generous, kind and patient. Come to think of it, what is hotter than that?