Friday, July 18, 2008

Waiting For Tuesday

Husband left for New York on Wednesday night. He's going to his 20 year high school reunion, then he's bringing himself and Mina home on Tuesday. Some have asked why I'm not going to the reunion with him, and frankly, that's not fun. "Hey, 'member when we peed in the bushes near the locker room??" Yea, no. Knock yourself out, Husband. Betsy and I escorted each other to our reunion and I couldn't've imagined boring Husband to tears with more obscure and insider reminiscing. Betsy and I had a blast though. I did, however, make sure that Husband took the hottest pictures of me to show off. He was completely on board with this because my husband was not granted a growth spurt until AFTER high school, where, I believe, he then slowly sprouted into a big hunk of a man. But he still thinks not-to-fondly of being scrawny and un-hot in high school. "Would you have dated me in high school," he asks. And I say, "No." But I didn't really date in high school at all, number 1, and I'm three years older than him, so definitely not. Anyway, he's going to show up to his old high school, a big hunk of a man; Mr. Cool in a seersucker jacket and great jeans showing off photos of his trophy wife and beautiful children. Get all the ex-cheerleaders questioning why they didn't fawn all over him before. Knock 'em dead, baby!

He left on the red eye and by Thursday morning I hadn't received a text or a call reporting that he had arrived safely. And you might know by now that I'm not too fond of planes at the moment -- or, they're ok, just causing me some recent panic -- so, I see no text or call and I say to myself, "It's ok, he's fine." I try to call him, y nada. "He's fine. Should I turn on the news? Don't turn on the news." My anxiety was at a very low burn but burning none the less. I tried calling Mina. Nothing. Finally I called Mama Luz and I said breathlessly but cool, "Did he make it ok? Is he there?" And she said, "Oh yea. He and Mina are sound asleep curled up together in the guest bed." My anxiety melted to soft and squishy tenderness. I miss them both so much.

Husband sends me random one-line texts throughout the day. "Stupid humid - want to come home." Or "Your baby smells like onion chips!" (Meaning Mina's caught a case of baby B.O.) Or "I can easily turn into a fat slob in Long Island." Or "I haven't showered yet." Or "Did I tell you how beautiful our baby is?"

I really can't explain well enough how perfect this guy is for me. It's at a molecular level.

The reason I was able to keep Husband's plane-anxiety to that manageable slow burn yesterday morning, I believe, is because I haven't been drinking coffee. WHAT THE!? I know. When I got back from New York I just thought maybe I shouldn't really drink coffee anymore. It wasn't a grand announcement or goal. I just didn't. When I thought about it deeply, I knew that coffee was starting to effect me more dramatically than it has in the past. Some days I was fine, like I've been for most of my life, and other days I was becoming much more nervous and anxious and agitated than I've ever been before. Also, with the raw experiment, I'm not feeling the soy creamer. I know, deep down, that soy creamer should go, or so much of it anyway. In the couple weeks that I've been back, I've had a couple cups of coffee. Almost like, are you sure? And nothing. I'm not craving it or begging myself for it every morning. I have been drinking tea, green and black, but I feel much more calm and unnervous with the tea. I miss coffee, but in a symbolic sense. I love the smell still. I love the idea of coffee, of getting coffee, of loving coffee. I just haven't been drinking it. It's an odd concept for me to which I'm still adjusting. I can't even say that I've given up coffee. I just haven't been drinking it. My coffee pot still sits on my counter. We're like amicable ex-lovers who have always enjoyed each others company, but know it may be time to move on. I'll touch it and think fondly. But I don't turn it on. P.S. I've been drinking the sickest teas from Teany. I visited Teany during my last two trips to NY. I order online now too. The selection is overwhelming, but I'll recommend a couple: Earl Grey Creme -- sort of a lavender-y, vanilla-y black tea that's delicious; Japanese Cherry Green - fantastic! Almond -- very nutty and rich. Oh and they sent me the Celosia Blossom tea on accident, and watching the bound buds open up in the tea pot is beautiful.

I realize that when I'm all alone, I shop more. So hard to drop all vices at once. I bought this apron yesterday.


Antje/Germany said...

What a cute apron!
I also try to not drink coffee. I know that it does no good to me: it makes my stomach kind of sour; it often tastes bitter, it dehydrates me... I try to drink TAZO Chai tea with vanilla soy milk instead. It's better for my body. But somehow I sometimes drink coffee, knowing it will make me feel bloated and bad, but I have it anyway... very stupid - I know....
Have a nice coffee-free weekend - cheers with tea from Germany

madness rivera said...

Cheers with tea! I love it, Antje. Thanks.

greenish gold said...

I feel you on the coffee/lover thing. I'm that way with cigarettes. I know, bad. I don't really smoke anymore, maybe 3 cigs a month the past couple of years, but I still love them and miss them symbolically and ritually. I am pretty much in love with them, just don't smoke 'em.

I love the way you describe your relationship with your husband.

madness rivera said...

Hi Greenish G - I went through the smoking thing years ago too. Even wrote a post about it called I Love Smoking - ha!( So, I hear you.

Melisser; the Urban Housewife said...

Oh my, I love that apron? Willing to share where you got it?

madness rivera said...

Sure Melisser! I dug it out from a big pile o' aprons at Anthropologie.

Kate said...

You are adorable!
Do you collect aprons?
I've been off coffee for about six months now. I was having PVC's (premature ventricular contractions...aka palpitations) and thinking I was dying and the good doctor I went to said, "Hey, let's get you off caffeine and see what happens."
Well, I quit going to Starbucks (Don't hate me; there's one right around the corner from my house!)and although the palps continued they did, in fact, lessen.
Anyway, I miss coffee intensely. I still make a half pot of decaf in the a.m., but it's just not the same.

Poundpapi said...

Um- I think it's basically a rule that the guys who were hot in high school all look busted with fat necks at reunions, and the guys who were quirky or not all together usually end up looking the best.

Just my experience, tho.

madness rivera said...

Hi Kate, welcome! And thanks for your great comments. I don't mean to collect aprons, I just am drawn to them. I had to get a veggie apron. It's so strange to me how coffee effects us so differently as we get older. Aging is awesome.

PoundP - I think that's the case universally across the board. For the women too. High School Peak Syndrome.