Back to Basics Tour

Listen, I'm not going to tell you guys, again, about the eternal reassessment going on in my head, because fucking kill me already with that noise. Maybe I'll tell you a little . . . But seriously, I want to bang my head against a rock to make it stop. I laugh at myself, I want to punch myself in the nose. I laugh, I cringe.

Did you guys see Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium? It was almost a great movie. It had great potential, but didn't quite get me there. Anyway, in the beginning Natalie Portman's character was a child pianist prodigy who has turned 23 years old and is still at the same level of brilliance that she was as a kid -- which is beautifully brilliant nonetheless -- and she explains to Mr. Magorium, "I'm stuck." He goes, "To my floor?" (har har). And she says, "No, as a person." I sucked in my breath a little at that. Because she was stuck and she wasn't; she was to her own and others expectations and she wasn't because she was still magical. I feel similarly. I'm not stuck as a person -- I feel very viscerally my own constant flow of magic that I create -- but I feel there's a cog going on somewhere. It's the reason for the NEVER ENDING EVALUATION/REEVALUATION I put myself through. My personal problem is that I often feel things need constant tweaking towards perfection, when, I may just already be there. I'm there in most all areas; it's this creative cog I feel most. It's the want to just do good and create beauty ALL THE TIME. That seems strange sometimes, when I look outside of myself. When, you know, I'm putting myself under a microscope from yet another, outside angle. Where's that rock?

Oh and I busted my knee. Yup. I was so pumped for the Tri training that in my gung-ho'dness, I did something to my knee. It isn't anything super definitive to me; there was no popping or exact sprain. Husband thinks I have tendinitis, which I don't compute well. It's sore in a certain spot in the front. It almost feels like a bruise. There's a little swelling and I know instinctively that if I don't rest it, it could be chronic. Husband barked, "Rest, ibuprofen, work on your core until you're better," and I said, confused, "Ok," and then I sat in the chair for quite a while wondering why my body felt a bit broken. The hip and now the knee. I kicked myself for taking for granted my athleticism thinking I could take it off the shelf whenever I felt like it, slip it on and GO like I've always done no matter how long between athletic uprisings. And I spent a long time coming to terms with this -- coming to terms gingerly so it wouldn't turn into an excuse. I didn't want to admit that at 40 maybe I have to approach how I put my body to work differently. Maybe I can't just bang out training five days a week all of the sudden. Apparently. So, I've postponed the triathlon, to one in September, and I'm going to rest and then start from the beginning and work more on strength and core work and build it all back up; muscles, joints, wind. Age 40 means different but like hell does it mean dead.

I'm doing some new experiments with my diet too. Husband joked that by the time I'm done, I'll only be eating seeds, kale and one kind of fruit. I'm back to more raw foods because I know -- I know like no other knows -- that a raw plan heals a body. The recovery when on raw is undeniable. I'm also going gluten-free for a bit to see how that goes. I know too that gluten can build as a toxin eventually. I think it can work against good digestion. This does not include sprouted grains/breads because the sprouting process destroys natural gluten. And lastly I've been experimenting a lot with more homemade stuff. I'm on a Back to Basics Crusade because the excess packaging of shit is pissing me off as is all the bullshit that everything is processed with, vegan stuff included. The chemicals and additives and other extraneous crap and bullshit -- ug, I'm so over everything. And not for nothing, but homemade stuff tastes like a million bucks. The freshness and flavor is a good slap in the face.

A couple weeks ago, I started with jam. I got a canning kit and made a big batch of organic strawberry jam. It was ridiculous. My girls couldn't believe how it good it was.

I also recently got a Soybella Soymilk Maker after reading a fantastic, instructional post from the beautiful and wise Julie Hasson. I followed all of Julie's suggestions such as soaking the soybeans overnight and rubbing the beans to get the skins off to insure a less "beany" taste, and ta-da, this morning I made this:A quart of soy milk was made in about 15 minutes after a night of soaking beans. I added 3 TBSPs of agave a pinch of sea salt and a tsp of vanilla. The taste is still a bit different than commerical soy milk, but I know that's because we are so used to stuff that's processed to high hell. I will gladly get used to this slight variation because I realized if I keep this up I would spend pennies on the dollar by making instead of buying soy milk, not to mention cutting down on all the packaging and waste. The Soybella also makes raw nut milks -- fresh almond is my all-time fav -- and I can't wait to try that next.

Since I won't be baking much in the next couple weeks because of the gluten-free experiment, I decided to bake the pugs some vegan doggie treats. I veganized and tweaked a Martha Stewart natural anti-flea doggie recipe. The Sisters Pug loved them.The funny-looking round ones I baked with a bit of peanut butter.
Here's the recipe:

Mami's Summertime Vegan Doggie Treats

1 C. whole wheat flour
1/4 C. wheat germ
1/4 C. nutritionals yeast (natural flea repellent)
1 tsp sea salt
2 TBSP of canola oil
1 clove (or little less) minced garlic (garlic can be toxic to dogs if in excess, which is why I used a little less than a full clove. Garlic is a natural bug repellent, for humans too.)
1/2 C. vegetable stock
peanut butter (optional)

Preheat oven 400 degrees. Line baking sheet with parchment paper or brush with oil. Mix flour, wheat germ, nut. yeast and salt in a medium mixing bowl. Mix minced garlic, oil and veg. stock into flour mixture until well combined. Fold onto a floured surface, knead for two minutes. Dough will be kind of sticky. If too stick add a little more flour, if too dry, add a lil water or oil. Roll out and cut into shapes, big or little depending on your dog's size, and place on baking sheet. If making the peanut butter version, roll dough into a little ball, poke a hole in the middle with the pinkie and fill with peanut butter. Bake 15-20 min. Should be kind of golden. Let cool and then store in a plastic container or left over jar or butter tub.

My next homemade rebellion will be mixing up my own earth-friendly cleaners. I tried a simple experiment by sprinkling baking soda in my sink. I let it set for a couple minutes and then scrubbed with the sponge and wow! Wicked clean.

Gotta get back to my Back to Basics Tour now, and analyzing The Cog of course. Cog or no cog, I am heart-thumpingly grateful for my stellar life, and for you guys too.