Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I'm Back. Pretty Sure of It.

I'm feeling pretty good. Thank you all for your fantastic comments and support. I felt the love. Thank you.

For seven days, I've eaten only fresh, whole foods; food not processed, purer food like fruits and veggies, obviously, plain brown rice, plain potatoes, raw nuts, plain beans. It's been about 60-70% raw. The only processed items I've eaten has been soy creamer and coffee, a cup in the morning. Breakfast has been dick-like fruit with raw nut butters and berries. Lunch has been huge salads with the homemade flaxoil dressing and beans. Dinner has been more raw veggies, some steamed plain veggies, brown rice. Fresh fruit for dessert, which I've never been able to say with a straight face because fruit as dessert has always seemed like a fantasy standard that I've never been interested in adhering to -- until now. I'm not fucking around.

If this were about my weight, I would have blown this off on day one. I woulda had a fair amount of real desserts by now. But dudes, I felt so badly the last 2-3 weeks. I don't want to feel that way again. Every-day stress and a super busy life aside, I feel that food is the the culprit as well as the cure to a great many things. Just like my friend's mom thinks that teatree oil is the cure for everything. Or that movie where Windex was the fix all? Whole food is that for me. When the girls feel badly, I run through this list: What did you eat at school? Have you eaten a fruit or vegetable? Why not? Have you had enough water? Did you sleep well last night? Within these questions, I think I can solve anything. Sprained ankle? Ice it and drink some tea. Heartache? Sleep. Tired? Water and more fruits and vegetables.

The majority of the time, I eat whole and healthy. But now I'm traipsing through purer territory where I believe most everything is too processed. The quality of packaged foods is so poor, but I can't say that I haven't mindlessly eaten vegan shit food. I go through periods where I don't realize how much, like recently.

People I know, but don't know very well, have anointed me their food parole officer some how. When they find out that I'm vegan and that I strive to be a healthy vegan, they like to blurt out what they eat or haven't eaten or how little cheese they consume a day, like I'm reporting back to Vegan Headquarters. I feel badly when they do this because this obviously isn't about me. Maybe it's a justification/defensiveness to decisions they feel might not be so good for them. Or maybe they think that I'm judging every morsel they consume when usually I'm the one that gets the tone and looks like, Great, she thinks she's all better than me with her fucking salad. I gotta say, it's strange. If I'm with a group at dinner, someone around me will tell me why they've ordered what they did or "I never usually eat like this," when I'm thinking, I don't give a shit. The thing is, I don't want to make anybody feel badly for whatever stage they're at with their food awareness or for any choices they make, period. If I positively influence someone, cool. If someone thinks I'm an uppity so-n-so, well, damn, that sucks, but fuck it. The dangerous territory is when I'm asked advice, which I'm hesitant to give. Unless I know the person really well, my advice is very general. One of Husband's friends asked me recently what kind of program he should go on to lose weight? This guy lives a bachelor life, fast food, drinking, not as active as he used to be. I told him to maybe go through the drive thru less and eat more fruits and vegetables. Maybe? Then I flinched for the resentment, but he was cool.

I really don't want to eat the majority of food that's out there in the market or in restaurants. I've felt that way for a long time and my body and psyche are wanting that more now too. But I feel that with this more limited way of eating, I'm taking another step towards being a bigger pain in the ass socially. Ultimately I will do what feels best, but I kinda think, ah man, nobody pay attention to me when I order or don't eat so much.

Seriously though, I'm not fucking around. I can only think about how I felt, and that's such driving motivation. I'm so serious, in fact, that I'm trying to coin a clever word for what I'm becoming. Wholefoodegan? That's lame,right? Help me. Freshian? Wholer? I feel better every day that I'm a simpletarian. I take little slides in my mood here and there, but I understand the detox process. I also understand the mourning process of mindless eating. I'm aware of the comfort in that, and the rebellion. All these things I'm trying to mourn properly. Wish me well in my more radical, pain in the ass step.

* * *

So, Husband had to leave again tonight for Mexico. They told him midday today. He just got home Friday. I'm taking it in stride. He is too. Where TeaCake at? Get the bed warm, buddy.

My sister in law is getting married in late January. In Puerto Rico! We were all so excited when we first heard, but as the weeks have rolled on, the financial burden of a trip for four weighed us down, squeezed out all the fun. I prepared my mind to not go, but last week, Husband got a bonus for working so hard. Out of the blue! And it was about exactly what the trip would cost. Things divine have the most impeccable timing. Thanks so much, Universe! And Papi.

I'm going to Puer-to Ri-co. I'm going to Puer-to Ri-co. In honor, here's a little video for you that plucks at the blood strings of every boricua no matter how faint or faded or mixed. "Hijos de liberdad!" Where Poundpapi at? I need an amen. I don't care what anybody says about Marc Anthony. I love him, and this song gets me every time. Nothing beats singing it at Madison Square Garden either. At 3:12, choked up, by 4:00, full waterworks. If you think this is cheesy, keep it to yo'self!


Anonymous said...

Wow! I didn't understand a word that man was saying - apart from "Puerto Rico" - and I had chills the entire time! Thanks for sharing, and thanks to hear your simpletarian diet is treating you well...

Rebel Girl said...



nola said...

Marc Anthony is DA BOMB.

Good reminder of what I need to do in my own life, to get back in touch with myself. Glad you're feeling better!

Madame One Tree said...

I understand the tiniest bit, but yeah... what HE said.

kristen said...

i think water is the answer to everything. "mommy, i have a headache?" did you have enough water?

i know when i'm not drinking enough, my body goes to shit. except it doesn't really go, that's part of the problem, but when i'm drinking enough...word.

and the clean diet thing...yep. it's all about feeling better and while i blame my age, it's also a blessing because if i'm not eating right, my body is revolting.

i think this is what it means to be at an age, because dude, i'm so not interested in feeling shitty anymore, it's so not worth the extra glass of wine, or cookies...and i do fall off. a lot. but it's a lot easier to get back on the clean eating wagon because of how i feel.

i love your posts girl, i feel like i really relate. xo

Rozmin said...

So good you're feeling good again! :-)

I'm the same about the water ... and about fiber. My BF is sorta a big baby sometimes about "feeling sick" and I'm always just like that, "How much water did you have? Eat an apple." Happy to see that there are other people who do the same.

nec said...

The first thing I say to anyone when they aren't feeling well is "how much water have you been drinking"... seems like a common theme :o)

I'm so glad you are feeling better. After my first pregnancy all I could eat were raw fruits/veggies, the thought of anything "cooked" was just out of the question. We should listen to our bodies more.

Loved the song, and passed the URL along to mis borĂ­cuas :o) Thanks

Marigoldie said...

How about "AssWhole"? Totally kidding--I feel you so hard on this, with the everyone-having-to-defend-their-choice-and-you-don't-care thing. And I'm basically just a cheatin' vegan. I love this post because I need to remember the importance of diet when I'm scrambling to know why I'm sleepless/insane/edgy/whatev.

Yay Papi, yay TeaCake, and welcome back, you.

madness rivera said...

HA, AssWhole is the winner. Lays all the tension out on the table.

"Yea, I ordered everything on the side and told them not to add 5 items from that one salad. What? What? I'm an AssWhole. That's what I do."

Husband is a big baby too when he gets sick. And he won't eat enough fruits and vegetables no matter how much I sneak stuff in his food, or wave them in his face or threaten him. About 3 years ago, I got him to take Green Vibrance which is this dehydrated super food -- seriously, the greatest ensemble of things green and healthy ever made into a powder. He drinks it every morning and has hardly gotten sick in the three years. He is such a fan of Green Vibrance that it's his cure all. Sometimes I hear him preaching about it to his friends.

Not A Mountain said...

I just got back from Puerto Rico and now you are going! We need to go together and tear that whole island up!:) xxoxoxo

Michelle said...

I'm glad you are back and I like that you "aren't fucking around".

Marigoldi and Kristin if either of you read these. I have lost track of your blogs and would love to reconnect. my email is frymichelle@gmail.com. Thanks.

Marigoldie said...

What's up, Michelle! I'll email you.

Don't Get Mad Get Vegan! said...

I needed to read this today. thank you.

I've been off the exercise and eating well wagon for FAR too long lately and 'i just had a baby' just ain't gonna cut it now that she's 18 mo., is it? ugh.

I'm a runner...but my body is so outta wack that I HAVE to turn to my lost love, yoga, to get me back to the me I wanna be before I start running my lil heart out, ya know?

the best part? doing it makes me WANT to eat better. so thanks again for the reminder that what I'm doing IS enough, that just because I don't sweat like a 300 lb man after my workout doesn't mean I'm not doing the body good. great, even! simpletarians, unite! hehe.

I feel ya on papi having to leave. the Cap'n is here and gone so often it's hard to keep the heartbreak at bay.

puerto rico! woohoo!
(pardon the babble...WAY too much coffee today. whew!) ;)

Poundpapi said...

How did I miss this entry!!! As soon as I saw "Puerto Rico" I thought, "Pa' que tu lo sepas!" Yes, I am that ignorant, hahaha.

This is such exciting news! I'm dreaming of going there soon, but I have to do it without alerting my crazy jibaro family down there. In the meantime, eat some good fruit while you're there. Do you think it will be season for quenepas? OMG!!!

bazu said...

dick-like fruit? I love you so hard.

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