Husband has a propensity to watch CNN nonstop. But I can't watch it anymore, or any election coverage (save The Daily Show). I don't look at the poll numbers, though we're showing a lead. Or if I sneak a peek, I rationalize that if I haven't looked at it for more than three seconds, I haven't jinxed it. Mostly, I can't listen to any more f'ing talking heads analyzing the last molecule of shit out of every single aspect of everything . . .UG. It's maddening. I'm nervous though. I'm nervous that the race is as close as it is. This baffles me. I'm nervous to hear real live people -- from this here modern times! -- declare that if Obama is elected, the terrorists will have infiltrated the White House. Yet, it is perfectly ok that as a terrorist he is a U.S. Senator?
I feel like I'm waiting to see if I made the cheer squad. The list will be posted on the gym door Tuesday. Or maybe Wednesday, depending on the electoral cheer committee. But a thousand times more intensely -- if I knew what it felt like to try to make the cheer squad that is. I feel like I'm waiting to see if I got into a college that will make or break my major. They're ripping apart my essay now, I know it! That is if I knew what it felt like to try to get into a college. Ok, I feel like I'm waiting for a million dollar purchase order from a customer and if I don't get the PO I'll lose the account and my livelihood all together. This I can relate to, but in short, I'm just nervous, yo.
God help me on Tuesday. I'll have to run by the TV to check standings but only at periodic and random times with the volume on mute, of course, because any softened nod towards Obama as the votes still tally will be a sure fire jinx. It would be a roller coaster I wouldn't survive.
Another reason I can't watch any more coverage is because I am naturally not a hateful person. I am mellow and decent, usually, and I don't like the feelings of hate that gurgle up in my esophagus every time I hear the shameful and boggling things that continued to be unearthed during this campaign. I don't' want to hate. I want to regain my tread on the road of compassion and understanding. My guts can't take the hate.
I feel like I'm waiting for loan approval for the biggest purchase of my life. But that's not a good analogy because loans are hard to come by right now! Oh my god - what about that time I was late on my 1983 Ford Escort payment? Or when I maxed out the Sears card . . .
I waffle between extreme hope and extreme terror. Oh Tuesday, come already! But only with good news. The stomach aches I can no longer bear.